


Stay here tonight

by Masterofpretending



Category: Misfits (TV 2009)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, nathan actually deals with jamies death, simon is a real bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 21:13:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19237204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterofpretending/pseuds/Masterofpretending
Summary: ”I’m sorry about what happened.”Nathan let out a short, bitter laugh at that. Simon didn’t have any right to be sorry. It wasn’t his brother who’d died and it hadn’t been his fault.”I…” Simon hesitated when Nathan remained quiet, ”I don’t think you should be alone right now.”





	Stay here tonight

_I can fix this. How do I fix this?_

 

_You can’t._

  


Nathan Young didn’t miss people. He didn’t cry for them and he certainly didn’t feel bad when he fucked with them. ”Sorry” wasn’t in his vocabulary and yet it was the only thing he wished he’d had the time to say before Jamie fucked off to whatever pissy afterlife was awaiting them all in the end. All of them except Nathan of course.

 

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry._

 

He wanted to scream it from the rooftops, cry it out until his throat was sore and his body gave out under him. He wanted to bite it out while watching his knuckles turn from white to red as he hit the wall. He wanted to punch, and punch, and punch until nothing of him was left, until he found a way to trick his own stupid immortality, fly up to heaven or, probably, claw his way down to hell and tell Jamie all the things he didn’t have time to say.

 

_I’m sorry._

 

_I’m sorry I didn’t get to know you._

 

_I’m sorry I spent the little time we had together being a shit brother and getting you killed._

 

_I’m sorry dad didn’t tell me about you._

 

_I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you._

 

He leaned his head against the locker, letting the cold metal against his skin ground him. He wished he could stay like that forever, stagnant and without having to face the rest of the world. He wasn’t in the mood to pretend that everything was okay. He didn’t want to smile, didn’t want to spend the evening coming up with dumb jokes and mildly offensive insults. He didn’t have the energy to distract anyone from the sticky, suffocating darkness that was weighing him down, pumping through his veins and coating his lungs black.

 

”Kelly told me about Jamie,” a voice creepily close to him suddenly said.

 

When he hastily opened his eyes he was met with the image of Simon, looking at him like he was a wounded puppy or something. He’d changed out of his orange jumpsuit long ago, something Nathan hadn’t even had the willpower to consider, and was wearing a dark, fully buttoned, shirt.

 

”I’m sorry about what happened.”

 

Nathan let out a short, bitter laugh at that. Simon didn’t have any right to be sorry. It wasn’t his brother who’d died and it hadn’t been his fault.

 

”I…” Simon hesitated when Nathan remained quiet, ”I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

 

”Why?” Nathan snarled, ”Worried I’m gonna jump in front of a car or something?”

 

Simon looked horrified at the prospect, his big, blue eyes scanning Nathan’s face, trying to decide whether or not to actually take Nathan’s words as a cry for help.

 

”Calm down, Simon,” Nathan reassured him, not even reflecting over the fact that he’d accidentally used the other man’s real name, ”I’m immortal, remember?”

 

When Simon still didn’t look reassured at that, he sighed, knowing if he didn’t want the control-freak to call him every five minutes to make sure he was still alive that he’d have to give in.

 

”Is that offer about taking a drink still on the table?” He asked and Simon visibly breathed out, a small, crooked smile playing on his thin lips.

  


~~~

  


”You know you’re paying, right?” Nathan mumbled as he downed his second shot of vodka.

 

The cheap liquid was nauseating in his mouth but felt good once he swallowed, the burning sensation lingering in his throat.

 

”I figured,” Simon answered sheepishly, fiddling a glass of cider between his hands.

 

”So uh,” he continued, his finger carefully scraping at the label, ”Do you want to talk about it, about Jamie I mean?”

 

Nathan looked down at his shot glass, wishing it could magically refill. He wasn’t nearly drunk enough to even touch the subject of Jamie and yet he heard himself say,

 

”He said I shouldn’t go all mental about it, but that’s easier said than done, right?”

 

Simon gave him a pity-smile that Nathan mentally gagged at, ”He probably just wants you to move on.”

 

”Well,” Nathan shot back, wanting to get that stupid look off Simon’s face, ”it's kind of a shitty thing to ask of someone.”

 

They ordered two more shots and Nathan drank them down one after the other. When Simon excused himself to the loo he was tempted to order another one but he also wanted to be able to walk himself home without falling on his ass. He looked at this own hand, the dim light in the pub making him unsure of whether it was shaking or not. The alcohol was finally kicking in and he felt numbness replace all the anger and guilt with emptiness.

 

”Nathan, are you okay,” Simon, who apparently was back from the toilets, said in a concerned tone, ”I think you’ve might have had too much to drink."

 

”This is my fault,” he mumbled as he took his jean jacket off the chair, apparently having decided that the two of them were leaving.

 

”I’m not _that_ drunk,” Nathan defended,

 

 _Not drunk enough to forget_ , he thought.

 

Simon wanted to order a taxi back to the Community Center but after Nathan proudly rambled the ABC’s backwards (a handy little trick he’d taught himself in middle school) Simon agreed that he was capable of walking. It didn’t, however, stop Simon from protectively grabbing his arm as soon as he saw him tipping over. And Nathan didn’t push him off, didn’t comment on the hand still holding on to him even as he regained his sense of balance. He found himself walking slower and slower as they got closer to the center, dreading the moment he’d be left alone with his thoughts.

 

”Can’t you stff..” He slurred, rejecting the words as they escaped his lips.

 

”What was that?” Simon asked carefully, looking up at Nathan like a goddamn angel sent down just for him.

 

His big, blue eyes and perfectly carved features weren’t anything Nathan hadn’t taken notice of before but right now, illuminated by the moonlight and enhanced by the vodka running through his body, he felt overwhelmed by it. He also became painfully aware of how close they were standing, how easy it would be to just lean forward and see if Simon’s lips tasted as sweet as they looked.

 

”Stay here tonight,” he murmured, _pleaded_.

 

”I’m not sure if-” Simon hesitated but Nathan cut him off with his lips, the alcohol silencing all the voices in his head telling him not to.

 

Their kiss was wet, and warm, and sloppy, and wonderful. Nathan couldn’t get enough of it, leaning into the other man’s warmth like it was the end of the world and Simon was the only thing that could keep him alive. He wasn’t thinking straight and he knew it. He was being drunk and stupid but he also thought the universe should give him some slack. His brother had just died and if that wasn’t an excellent time for making dumb mistakes and get away with it, when was? Besides, Simon was totally into it judging by the way his warm tongue was carefully sliding against Nathans. He let his fingers press against Simon’s shirt, not sure if he wanted to lean against it or pull at it, perhaps ripping those stupid buttons open in the process.

 

”We shouldn’t,” Simon mumbled against his lips as they pulled apart for air, ”You don’t mean it.”

 

Nathan frowned, not understanding what exactly he didn’t mean. It wasn’t as if he was drunk to the point where he just fell into people and started randomly making out with them. He’d meant it. All of it.

 

”Shut up,” he breathed and leaned into Simon once again.

 

This time both of them were more hungry, more desperate. Nathan was biting at Simon’s lip, pulling at it as he leaned back for air. And Simon, perfect, wonderful Simon, was making the most heavenly sounds as Nathan innocently pressed a knee between his legs to create friction between them.

 

”Nathan,” Simon pleaded, his voice low and ragged and his eyes dark with lust, ”Nathan I can’t- we can’t do this right now.”

 

”Come on,” Nathan dismissed, placing a hand at the other man’s chin, bringing it slightly forward with a lazy grin, ”just for tonight.”

 

Simon glanced down at his sore lips and Nathan knew he wanted it, wanted him, just as much as Nathan did.

 

”It’s not fair,” Simon whispered, eyes still lingering on the other man’s lips, ”I actually like you, you know.”

 

The words felt like ice against Nathan’s skin and he instantly let his hand fall. Simon looked at him like he’d just been slapped in the face and Nathan realized he mustn’t have done a very good job of not letting the shock show on his face.

 

”I’m sorry,” Simon said, his voice suddenly monotone, ”I know you're already dealing with…”

 

He let the words die out but Nathan finished the sentence in his head. _I know you’re already dealing with Jamie, dealing with the guilt, dealing with the pain._

 

”I’m fine,” he lied, ”I just.. fuck, Simon, I’m not exactly in my prime state to properly respond to some grandiose love confession right now.

 

Simon nodded quietly, ”Yeah.”

 

The both of them were silent for a moment, listening to cars driving by in the background and some dog barking far off in the distance. It was a peaceful night and yet Nathan’s head felt jumbled by all the different thoughts floating around, getting tangled with one another.

 

”That doesn't mean we shouldn’t talk about it,” he concluded after a while, ”but right now…I can’t deal with much of anything really.”

 

Simon nodded again, looking down at the dark gray pavement below, looking anywhere but at Nathan.

 

”I should go,” he mumbled despite moving a limb.

 

It was as if he waiting for Nathan, for anything at all, to stop him. Like he wanted some monster to suddenly appear and force him to stay and fight, force him to once again save the day.

 

”You could just…” Nathan hesitated because he too wanted Simon to stay, more than anything else. His entire being, every pore, was screaming _”Dont leave, don’t leave_ ”.

 

”You could come into the Center,” He suggested casually, like his heart wouldn’t break apart if he was left alone, ”we could have a sleepover, smoke some grass and get into a pillow fight in our underwear.”

 

”Nathan,” Simon warned but a small smile was tugging at his lips, Nathan was sure of it.

 

”We don’t have to shag or nothing,” He reassured the other man, ”I just don’t want to be, you know-”

 

He shrugged, ”by myself.”

  


~~~

  


”How do you sleep on this thing,” Simon muttered against Nathan’s shoulder.

 

The two boys were pressed tightly against each other on a mattress that barely fit one person, even less two. Simon had been adamant about keeping his shirt on, the naked skin-to-skin contact feeling too close to actually sleeping together. Nathan had protested at first, calling him silly, (” _I had my tongue in your mouth less than half an hour ago and now you wanna be all no-homo_ ”), but eventually he’d compromised, handing over his own t-shirt, a lighter option to Simon’s cotton shirt.

 

”I sleep like I usually sleep,” he mumbled, ”dreaming of girls with breasts for buttcheeks and swimming in one of those pools filled with money.”

 

”That would probably break your bones in real life,” Simon pointed out and Nathan gave him a light shove in the stomach for being such a nerd.

 

”I’m immortal,” he shot back, which had the desired effect of shutting up the other boy.

 

He felt Simon’s warmth against the length of his back and let his hand fumble over the sheets, searching for Simon’s. When he found them he linked their fingers together tightly, like he was afraid of him running away, disappearing. Like Jamie.

 

”Do you think we woulda been mates?” He asked the darkness, ”If Jamie didn’t die, do you think I could have been a proper big brother for him? Teach him to shoplift, sneak him into the club, you know, sibling-stuff?”

 

He could hear hesitation in the way Simon breathed in before answering, ”Do you wish you could have been?”

 

”I don’t know,” he mumbled. Probably. _Yes._

 

”You have a sister, right?” He remembered, suddenly, ”You teach her how to best burn down a house?”

 

He could feel Simon’s lip curl against the skin on his shoulder, ”She’s twelve,” he said.

 

”Not a day too young to start a criminal career.”

 

They were silent for a second, Nathan staring absentmindedly into the pale wall, his hand still intertwined with Simon’s. He needed the touch, needed to hold on to the bridge between reality and the cobweb of darkness that had become his own mind. He needed the constant reminder that he wasn’t alone.

 

”What would you do if something happened to her,” he said, his voice weak and unrecognizable, ”if she died.”

 

Simon sighed, the mere thought of it draining, ”I would kill any bastard who laid a hand on her,” he admitted.

 

”What if it was you,” Nathan whispered back, not able to stop the words before they slippered out between his lips, ”what if it was your fault.”

 

He felt stiff, holding his breath trying to keep tears from falling down his cheeks. The room was suddenly too small despite the two of them having the entire Community Center for themselves. He felt an arm wrap around him and before he knew it he was sobbing, his body violently shaking under Simon’s touch.

 

”It’s okay, I’m here.” Simon whispered as he rubbed Nathans knuckled with his thumb.

 

_”It’s okay, It’s okay, It’s okay.”_

 

Simon repeated the words until it was the only thing Nathan could hear, all other thoughts dissolving into sweet nothingness. He said it again and again until he felt Nathan relaxing in his grip and the sobbing turned into silent tears. Time turned meaningless as the darkness surrounded them like another warm layer of sheets. Minutes or hours could have passed by when Nathan finally felt his breathing going back to normal and the tears on his cheeks dried. He was dizzy and tired but the worst was over. He looked down at his fingers still tangled together with Simon’s and his words, ”It’s okay”, still echoing in his mind.

 

”When things get back to normal,” he croaked, his voice strange and drained after all the crying, ”we should really talk about us.”

 

Simon’s thumb, the one he was using to make soothing circle motions into Nathan’s skin, stilled, ”You mean that?” He murmured.

 

”I do.” Nathan smiled, ”I really do.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back, back, back again! It's summer so hopefully I'll find the motivation to write some more stuff, but in the meantime, enjoy this oldie finally seeing the light of day :) Love you all!


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